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(no subject)

Mar. 11th, 2017 | 10:50 am
mood: happy happy
music: The Hills are Alive - The Sound of Music

Some days, I just want to cry. Not from Sadness; but sheer happiness.

Today I woke up and felt lucky to be alive. It's not often that I get in this kind of a mood, but when I do, I cherish it.

I am just so happy - to be working a job I love, have the right friends by my side, a family that supports me and confidence that shines brighter than the sun, some days. It took a lot of work and self-healing to get here, but I'm glad I rode out the adventure. I only wish happiness and success to those around me, as well.

Hopefully, one day everyone can feel this joyous and harmonious with the universe. What a wonderful thought to have...

~keep on smiling my little rays of sunshine~

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(no subject)

Feb. 22nd, 2017 | 04:14 pm

You know, it's very rare that I let people get to me. The one thing that really bugs me, is if someone says that I don't care. I am just a woman trying to do my best and be there for the people that matter to me, but sometimes when life throws me a curveball or two I get down on myself and need that time to heal for ME. All my life, I have given my whole heart to my friends and family without really focusing on myself — it really takes a lot out of you. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have stuck around. I wouldn't be the one my friends call or text when they've had a bad day or need a listening ear... I wouldn't involve my heart in my relationships and defend those I love at any cost. If you think I don't care, you're wrong. The truth is, that I care a lot. Sometimes, I care too much but I'll never stop. Not if you're a part of me <3

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(no subject)

Jan. 12th, 2017 | 04:07 am
mood: crushed crushed
music: Nirvana - Heart Shaped Box

I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to feel something other than numb. I am having a really difficult time coming to terms with the truth - that you're gone. Why did the world have to push you down and make you think that you were anything less than perfect? I wish I could've helped you heal, I wish I could've saved you but your legacy will live on in the little spark of life you brought into everyone you touched.

I love you, Steph.

Today addiction stole one of my best friends....

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Seeking: Human Connection

Dec. 28th, 2016 | 10:26 pm

Is there anyone out there, like me? Who feels like a part of them is missing? That has lost faith in humanity and the ability to LOVE?

I seek someone like me. Someone who requires little, but gives a lot. Someone who compliments without needs of reciprocation, because it makes them feel good making somebodies day.

I want to touch your fingertips, I want to run my hands all over your body with no sexual desire. I want to lay my head on your chest and feel your heartbeat and listen to your breath, inhaling and exhaling ever so calmly by my side. I want your full attention, in this moment, to be connected.

That's what I want.

But people are slowly unlearning how to love. The put up blocks and make excuses not to feel, so what is an empath to do in this world to not fall into the same patterns? How do you make one open their eyes to the hope and possibilities of love? How do you reverse the spell of modern love, so we can start feeling wholeheartedly for one another?

Tell me...

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Everybody's watching her, but she's looking at...

Aug. 24th, 2016 | 06:45 am
mood: relaxed relaxed

Told myself that I wouldn't get hooked on you, but I lied. This just feels too damn good.

"Maybe she needed someone to show her how to live and he needed someone to show him how to love." - N.R. Hart

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Dear horoscope, how do you do that?

Aug. 14th, 2016 | 10:45 pm
mood: relieved relieved
music: Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris - This is what you came for

Last week sometime my horoscope said something like "a relationship is coming your way whether you like it or not" this is after meeting a guy on a date and keeping in touch with him after to plan a second date. Our second date was yesterday and I didn't look at my horoscope until now, but this is what it said:

"If you are working on building a better love relationship, you have to commit yourself to being honest. It's not like you tell untruths on a regular basis, but from time to time you have told little white lies, thinking you are protecting someone. But that's not your call. And from now on, you will get a lot farther with someone if you tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. When you make choices out of fear, you usually make the wrong choices. Share your feelings in an unedited way"

So, on our first date I was still trying to read the guy... I knew he was funny and charming and I was physically attracted to him - yes; but I also haven't had sex in over a year out of my own self-respect and nobody suiting my new found standards. We locked eyes and kissed a lot, but that's as far as I'd take it.

Our second date we made plans for, but they were rained out. We ended up hanging with his friends all day and he opened up a lot about himself. It surprised me because I saw that he was just as scarred as I was.

We ended up having lunch at his place halfway through the date and I was nervous because I knew being there would lead to something, especially with us being so attracted to one another - I could FEEL it. All I know is we were chatting on his couch one second and the next he's kissing me and my hearts racing, but my minds occupied with a million things at the same time. "This is bad" I told myself. Trying to make excuses for why I should stay celibate. I decided to be honest, before I had even seen what my horoscope had said yesterday... I told him that I haven't had sex in a year and I wasn't sure if it was a good idea - he countered that by saying he hadn't in six months (I didn't know how true it was so I cracked a joke under stress). I continued kissing him and keeping my mind focused on my own agenda. I asked myself "Is it worth it?" and thought about how I would feel after - Would I feel regret? We went through with it. It was mind-blowing, to say the least. We both laid there side by side, hand in hand... him softly stroking my fingers. The release felt like paradise, I explained to him. My body wasn't the only thing naked - my soul was bared.

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words

Jul. 14th, 2016 | 09:05 pm

He couldn't let her love him
because he didn't love himself
and he loved her too much.

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True happiness

Jul. 13th, 2016 | 03:05 pm

Is there anybody genuinely happy anymore? Not from money or greed/material things. Not from being drunk or high in an altered state of mind, but true happiness from within?

If there is, I can't see it around me.

The city of Toronto has become SCUM, where peoples dependencies lie in dark places. It makes me sad...

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Life.

Jul. 6th, 2016 | 08:02 pm

Smile. Laugh. Run. Swim.
Sink into your pain and RISE again.

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Good work

Jun. 27th, 2016 | 11:21 pm

Some bodybuilder high-fived me today and said 'good workout' I was pretty proud of that.

In other news, my editor emailed me saying she hopes that I am not planning a vacation any time soon *lol* It's nice to feel valued. Even though it's only a part-time gig right now, I'm working on my portfolio and making a name for myself in my community. It's a pleasant change - Like just the other day, I was checking up on a restaurant that I wrote a review for and my work was hanging in their window <3 I also enjoy this job because I work for a great person and she allows me to be creative and write about the things I care for and for that, I am truly grateful.

~*Keep on keeping on*~

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